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Saving your marriage after an affair requires some hard work and unpleasant tasks but to really be successful, you must also find ways to enjoy being together again. Unless you can find ways to put some joy back in your marriage, how would you be able to bear living together? If you want to avoid another infidelity, you must rebuild a stronger bond than the two of you had before.
Obviously it will take some time to build up trust before you can really become close again. Start slow by doing some things you both enjoy like going to a movie, play or nice restaurant. Do your best to become good friends again and enjoy each others company.
Keep a pleasant attitude on these dates and focus on having a good time together. Don’t use the occasion to dwell on your disagreements or argue. If you find you are not yet able to have a pleasant outing together, postpone any additional dates until you can be more civil with each other.
In contrast to confronting your problems and how to deal with them, instead discuss activities and places you could enjoy together. Plan things you can look forward to and anticipate to help rekindle your affection for each other. It may even help to set up a special date night each week to have something to feel excited about.
Once things progress, plan some weekend trips or a special vacation you can both enjoy to create some happy experiences to rebuild your bond.
After an affair there are naturally going to be feelings of resentment so don’t rush your progress. Trying to force yourself to be intimate before you are ready can cause more harm to your relationship. You’ll know when you’re relaxed with each other enough to make love without feelings of resentment.
As you already know too well, an affair is a very painful event to resolve and put behind you. I know there are a lot of people who stay married for some reason even though they can’t stand the sight of each other. Wouldn’t you prefer to live in a marriage where you still enjoy each other’s company?
Life is too short to suffer pain you don’t have to. Saving your marriage won’t be easy and nobody knows better than you if it will be worth the effort. Many others in your situation are able to reconcile and put joy back in their marriage. If you feel you need it, there is help available to make the challenge easier.
write by Drusilla